Words Left Unsaid…..

I saw Jason pass last night…

It was fast and painless….

So unexpected!
Too many things I should have let him know…
Too many words left unsaid, sentiments left unshared….
So I knew I had to let you know….. 

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You never know when these days 
You can never tell.
Before you realise it, later becomes never…
Before you know it, all you have left are memories, hurts, and  so many unspoken words…

There are so many words between us that I have to let you know… 
Words you really need to know…
I don’t know what you’ll say
Or how it’ll change things….
But I want you to know anyway…. 

Roughly two years ago, when we met at the Jazz concert, I thought you were a snob! 
You had some airs about you, and your car keys, dangling round your index finger. 
You had on a blue polo shirt, and your navy blue corduroys…. You looked good…
Your friends were a rowdy bunch.. Well,  so were mine… And we shared another thing in common… We both didn’t drink… 

A couple of weeks later when we bumped into each other again, I was convinced that you were one of the worst young men that human kind has come across. 

But then things started to change…. 
I don’t know when your wake up call came, but all of a sudden, your arrogance was gone…. 
you were…..Nice, and caring…. And uhm, and you were sweet.
It took some getting use to, but the new you wasn’t the guy from 6months before….

You joined us to volunteer at the orphanage… 
The you before would never have even thought of that…
Your deep voice…. Your annoying, contagious, cacophonous laugh!
It always made the kids so happy!
And when you read to them, they saw you as some god!
Your large eyes that seemed to see it all… 
Your pretty boy looks, and your roguish smile…

Today, it’s too late to tell Jason that he was an inspiration..
That despite his awkward walk and chronic illnesses at such a young age, he was the one that kept me going many days….
He was the best friend we could both ever ask for! 

Before it becomes too late, I want you to know that I fell in love with you ten months ago… 
I didn’t plan to, I never wanted to.
I’ve fought it… Yet it’s not going away…

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So I need to let you know….

I don’t want to sit one day, wondering what could have been,
Regretting that I never said a word.

It doesn’t matter what you say…. 
I just need you to know….. 
I love you…. Your manly ways, 
Your big hands, your laugh, your smile,
Your hugs, your jokes, and even your ‘reckless driving’ 

I fell in love with you, and you need to know….