The Change I see……

Ebo, you’ve changed…

          Every night, I wake up and see your back towards me, and I see the change. I see the way you look at me these days, and I see the way you smile… Your smile doesn’t even reach your eyes. 
We don’t talk like we used to, but hey, people grow quiet. I see the distracted look you have when we eat together, and I feel your haste to get away from me anytime we make love. Needless to say, the last time we even kissed is over three months ago!  
I’m tired of putting in so much wasted effort. I’m tired. 
I’m tired of crying and praying, because it doesn’t seem to work.

I’ve tried all I can. I’ve gotten you gifts, rubbed your feet every evening just the way you like it. I’ve tried to make myself look good everyday, for you. I’ve watched football with you on countless occasions, when we both know that football only drives me crazy. I’ve pretended to enjoy eating fufu, because it’s the only meal you can eat five days in a row. Ebo, I’ve tried. I’ve listened to your silence for far too long, because you’re in no mood to talk, and now I’m tired.

It breaks my heart that I can no longer make you  happy. It hurts me to know that she can. Trust me when I say that it hurts so bad to see that five years of marriage has robbed you of your love for me. 

I know that we both grieved a long time when Akosua died two years ago. I may never stop grieving. But I’m glad she didn’t have to see this. I’m glad she never had to feel love grow cold. I’m glad that for the short two years she lived, all she saw in her father was love that could conquer all, and joy that always filled the house with laughter. 

I miss that Ebo. The one who loved to help me cook, because he knew there was always so much I wanted to talk about, and very little time. The one who held me in his arms every night, even when a baby inside me kicked him hard all night long. I miss the Ebo that could kiss me, and make me feel like a teenager again. I miss the ebo that was madly in love with me. 
But lately, it seems I’ve lost that Ebo. 

So today, I’ve decided to let  go…

I know I can’t stop loving you, and I know it’ll take a while for me to adjust. But I love you enough to see that you’re no longer happy with me, you’re happy with her. 

Whenever she calls, you get that look… I know because I used to be the cause of that look.
I know you’re probably too much of a man to cheat on me physically. But I see that you seem to love her. So if you want, let’s get a divorce. I’d rather live a miserable life seeing you’re happy, than live a miserable life in which you’re miserable too… Either ways, I’m miserable.

However, if someway, somehow, you feel we could go back to the way things were, I’m more willing than ever to make it work. Maybe you could remember the songs we sang together, and the hours we made love while it rained and stormed outside. Maybe you could remember the tears we shed together for many months when we lost our daughter. Ebo, I could bring back a million memories, and even if they change nothing, I’ll still cherish them. 

Ebo, this isn’t a blackmail letter. Whatever you decide, my love for you will never go away. Whatever you decide, I hope it makes you happy. But for what it’s worth, I pray to God, that you’ll choose to make it work. I don’t care what I need to do… If you want, we could even see a counsellor. If you want, we could take a vacation… Whatever it is I need to do…

Thank you Ebo, for a beautiful four years of marriage. The last year could have seen better days, but thanks for that too. You’re a great man, and I can’t stop loving you. 

Always, always.
Crystal