It’s always such a joy to return to writing on my blog! I have once again been MIA for a minute or two, but I’m so happy to be back! It’s been a tiring few weeks… (or has it been months? a year? goodness gracious!) But here’s another reminder today of this phrase I keep telling myself – What a beautiful blessing it is to be the kind of tired I am lately. Tired out by goals I have chosen, love and believe in!
I hope you enjoy this next part of Sayo! Leave a comment, share it with a friend, check out the previous posts if this is your first time here (or maybe to recap what was going on?) Let me know what you think!
Love,
Elise
The first time KB met Sayo again, it was at an art gallery at a conference in San Diego. It had been five years since their trip to Ghana. Four years since his last email to her. Two years since he’d started dating again. He saw her first. She was on the arm of an older man, perhaps in his early fifties. He stopped at each of the pieces and examined them thoroughly. He had a bright smiling face, and seemed to favor one leg in a slight limp; it was barely noticeable. And there was a young boy, perhaps ten years old, with remarkable eyes that were so grey, KB could see them from where he stood. They were in a group, and when the man wasn’t inspecting the pieces, he was discussing it animatedly with the rest of the group. Even the kid seemed to have an opinion about the art.
Were his eyes playing tricks on him? After years of pining after this woman, had the universe brought him an apparition just when he’d began to move on?
But it was her. Oluwasayofunmi in all her glory.
She wore her hair in an afro – something she’d sworn back in the day was not her style. It suited her well. It framed her face, her stunning face that somehow seemed fuller now. She had filled out some, and her smiles and laughter were different, they didn’t seem to reach her eyes. Or perhaps he was really just hoping they weren’t? They still were large and expressive, but their beauty seemed layered with pain and sadness. Maybe he was just telling himself that so he would feel better. She was still the same breathtaking woman he’d known – carrying all that fire in her tiny frame. But she was probably a whole other woman now. And he was just as different.
He pretended he hadn’t seen her. Afterall, he was there to work – and this contract was a big one. He was not going to screw it up. He was the sole photographer for this three-day event, and while he had two others on the team, it was his company.
He found himself completely aware of her at all times. Even when he didn’t want to be. But he kept himself grounded. Took his photos and tried to forget she was in the same room as him. He succeeded for the most part… until she lifted her hand to point at one of the pieces, and he saw it. The large obnoxious rock on her left ring finger. It caught him completely off guard. He was suddenly a little dizzy. She hadn’t wanted to be married back then – even before he thought about ever asking her. She’d let him know vehemently. Now here she was, getting married to someone… or perhaps even already married to him.
He tried to take deep breaths, but could only manage shallow breaths that had him almost dizzy. He handed his camera to one of his assistants, and took off for the bathroom. He splashed some water on his face, and looked at himself in the mirror.
You’re a successful man, who has his life together. You are over this woman. You’ve put in the work. You cannot keep acting this way. You are fine. You are happy. She is fine, she is happy. it’s been many, many years…man up! You are also seeing someone. Kind of.
He managed to take two long deep breaths. He could do this. He’d done this for many months. She was persona non grata in his heart, or so he’d told himself. With this resolve, he looked at his watch. Two more hours of day one of the event. He gritted his teeth and walked out with resolve.
“Oluwasayofunmi!”
First of all, that couldn’t be KB. Was she imagining things hearing his voice after so many years? But nobody enunciated her name that way. “Orluwasayofunmi” And that voice…
But then the voice sounded slurred. Perhaps even drunk. KB never got drunk! She remembered all the nights when he’d had drink after drink and still remained unfazed. Sometimes without even a buzz! “I’m a big man, Sayo…we don’t get drunk. The alcohol just cannot absorb properly. I just keep peeing it out!” She smiled a little at the memory.
She knew it couldn’t be him. But it had been years. What if it was him?!
She turned around slowly, holding the pitcher with which she was headed to the ice machine.
She startled. It was him.
KB had always been a handsome young man. But the years had done him one! He seemed to have lost some weight. His jawline seemed a little more chiseled; and the shirt stretched over his upper body in a way that wouldn’t have worked before. His eyes were glassy, and it was clear he was sizing her up too. He seemed dazed, and she wondered briefly what he saw…what the years looked like on her. She knew she’d gained some weight, and probably had some new wrinkles. But she wondered what he saw.
It felt as if the two had been standing there for an hour. In reality, it couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes. The elevator on the other end of the hallway dinged, and that seemed to break the spell. Sayo moved her hands to her hair instinctively, and his eye caught once again on her left hand.
“K.B, wow…”
“You’re married?”
They spoke simultaneously.
“Kay!” It was a woman who had gotten off the elevator. She was a tall woman in a little black dress. All legs, high heels. Sayo watched her walk gracefully towards them.
She walked up to KB and kissed him on the cheek. She must have been at least 6ft tall with those heels on, and she was still only at the level of his chin.
It struck Sayo how great they looked together.
She turned from him and looked at her with a lopsided smile, a twinkle in her eyes, and her right hand stretched out. “You must be Sayo! I’ve heard a lot about you! I’m Osaah”
KB seemed to have collected himself better now, and for some reason she couldn’t examine, she realized it grated her a little that this woman had grounded him. Just then the door three doors down opened and a gentleman in a robe poked his head out, looking both ways till he spotted them. “Honey is everything okay?”
Her face fell hot, and she looked at KBs face and saw no expression while he looked straight at her fiancé.
“Dee, I met… an old friend, and… what are the odds, I… this was so unexpected”
Dee smiled at Osaah and KB and introduced himself while pulling Sayo close to him. He was not a very tall man. His pale skin looked even paler against the black robe he wore. Osaah introduced herself and KB, and before any detailed discussion could happen, Sayo took hold of Dee’s hand, planning her exit.
“Well it’s uh… late, I… I was just, uhm getting us some ice. But it was good seeing you two!” Sayo sputtered softly, turning towards the ice dispenser with her pitcher, pulling Dee with her.
KB didn’t know how to feel, how to act. He felt very out of sorts. He looked into Osaah’s face and knew she was hurt. She’d been out on the night with a few of her college friends who happened to be in the city, when he’d called her from the bar and told her Sayo was in their hotel. She must have heard it in his voice. That old emotion she hadn’t heard in a long time. The year she met him, he’d been mourning Sayo. Back then, they were really just friends. But she saw how much work he’d put into getting over her. She’d seen how much Sayo had hurt him. Over the last two years, they’d slowly fallen into a calm love. She loved him, and she knew he loved her too… what she didn’t know was if their love could hold a candle to what he’d had with Sayo.
She swallowed all of that and just hugged him once they walked through their door. She loved his hugs. He smelt like his cologne, and vodka. And she knew he never got drunk. He was damn near drunk this evening. She’d heard it in the frantic way he tried to keep his voice in check when he’d called her. She felt tears at the back of her throat as she wondered if this was what was going to break them apart. She loved him fiercely. But she was not one to fight a losing battle. She was good at knowing when to cut her losses.
While they undressed and showered together, Osaah remembered suddenly that Sayo was wearing a ring. And that she had introduced Dee as her fiancé. With the stricken look that was on her face, she couldn’t tell whether she was happy to see KB or not. She was certainly shocked. But was it an “I can’t believe I’m finding you and I want you back” kind of shocked? Or was it an “I never thought I’d ever see you again” kind of shock?
And when they made love that night, Osaah knew. She knew they probably wouldn’t make it. He held her, and looked in her eyes and whispered sweet nothings in a way that he never had before. At least not with her. And she fought back the tears of knowing that while he was making love to her, he really was making love to Sayo. She mourned the two years she’d had with this beautiful man with a heart to gold. And she mourned the likelihood that he wouldn’t make it out of this whole. She knew that Sayo held all the cards. This hopeless romantic of hers had too little control where that woman was concerned. And like she did with every business venture she’d ever had, she started planning how to cut her losses, without losing her mind.
Dear Kay…. I love you.
Last night, I discovered… or I should say, that I was reminded, that our love, even though beautiful, might never stand a chance if Sayo were to ever return into your life.
Before you read on, I want you to know, this is not a breakup note. It’s an “I have questions” note… also an “I’m not sure what we have is enough for you” and an “I’m scared that I’ll be on the losing end and it will destroy the friendship we had in the first place” note.
Last night, I saw all the years of therapy and hard work you’ve put in into getting over this woman unravel. I don’t know how to explain to you how it felt to see you drunk for the first time… and that it was because of her.
I really wanted to stay through the last few days, but something came up at the office that I wanted to take care of, and I also thought I’d take the time to examine how I feel about all this. We need to have a conversation about it, but I’m not yet at a point where I can have a clearheaded conversation. Maybe have a chat with her, and then when you come back home, let’s talk.
I do know that every woman deserves to be loved the way you love (loved?) her. And perhaps I should find someone to love me that way. But who knows, If I don’t, I may come crying back into your arms like I did a couple of years ago.
I’ve been that woman who knew she was not the number one and stayed anyway. I’ve overlooked overt and even spoken signs that told me that he was checked out… and yet I stayed.
Thank God, I’m no longer that woman! And I never want to be her again. Last night, you made love to Sayo. I knew it, I felt it, and it struck me hard that you really really love this woman. I don’t want to be caught in that crossfire holding on to you when I know your heart will always belong to her.
I do fear that you will end up in her crossfire, and be the one that gets hurt in all of this. I fear that you’ll end up at square one – where you were three years ago. And like I said, this isn’t the end of us. This is just my well-honed self-preservation slowly pulling away to think, to plan, and to be sure that you want us. If you decide that you can do this, and not make me wonder if I’ll ever be number one, we can try to make it work.
Some people believe that there’s only one person for them. Maybe Sayo is your one. My selfish heart and I cannot take it knowing that I was never your one, and that you stayed anyway.
I don’t want to make this about me…it was very clear that you were going through many emotions last night, and I’m glad I got to hold you through it. But I woke up this morning and I knew for sure I would probably start to unravel soon myself.
I’m rambling… but all this to say, I switched to an earlier flight, and I’ll see you when you get back.
Love Always,
Osaah
PS. I left an Advil and water on the table. Not sure if you’ll get to that first or get to this note first. Us mere mortals who get drunk usually need that to help us navigate hangovers.
